I'm not a "lease"...I'm more like a "rent to own"...

Currently Reading One Hundred Years of Solitude By Gabriel Garcia Marquez see related

"On a scale of One to Awesome I am Super Great!"

Following Lys' lead, I'm going to will myself to get better through the power of positive thinking because I'm literally tired of my puny body's lackadaisical autoimmune response.  Now that my immune system has had an unnecessary vacation, it should be ready to fight some germs because I'm ready to feel better now.

Good Riddance...That Weird Ass Girl is Gone

1. She only comes out of her room when she thinks I'm not around. Imagine how it would feel to be avoided every day and night...it's no ego boost.
   
2. When I do come around, she dashes back to her room, much like a cockroach scurries to its hideaway after being shunned by the kitchen light (I've, thankfully, never had the pleasure of witnessing such a thing, but you hear about it or see it on TV so you presume it's so)
3. When she actually comes out she's wearing that questionable black satin robe 80% of the time.  Makes me feel like I'm frequenting one of those "happy ending" massage parlors.  It's unsettling having to run into anyone wearing satin on a daily basis.
4. She's wasteful. She doesn't recycle, reduce or reuse.  Instead, she creates waste, multiplies that waste and is probably doing something wasteful right now.  I've never had to take the garbage out so frequently, though I shouldn't have been surprised since her only concern upon moving in was where the dumpsters are located.
5. Despite learning the location of said dumpsters, she never put that information to use.  She knew where they were but couldn't be bothered to take out the trash.
   
6. She only eats out of disposable plates and bowls with disposable utensils.  She refuses to use our dishes and eating utensils even though I've sincerely told her she's welcome to use the dishes.
   
7. She uses 1/2 - 3/4 a roll of toilet paper per day leaving just a handful of squares on the roll for me. I pride myself on my personal hygiene...I'm about as close to thorough godliness without having OCD as you can get - but for crying out loud- how much TP do you really need?  And doesn't your bum get raw and chaffed from wiping that much?
   
8. After using so much TP, she refuses to take her turn and get more.  We literally had a toilet paper standoff where we waited to see who could ration out the last few squares the longest until the person that uses the very last square caves in and finally has to get more.  I finally gave in because I- unlike her- cannot live without toiler paper.
9. She seems to have broken the toilet, probably with all her ridiculous toilet paper consumption.  I warned her that since our house is old, using that much toilet paper isn't a good thing - if not for saving the environment or preventing chaffing on your ass from overwiping, then consider the old plumbing.  For some reason, when she flushes, the tank overfills with water and leaks onto the floor.
   
10. She creeps around the house.  Everytime she enters the room, she's scares the shit outta me. She always has to stealthily enter a room without making a single sound (must be that freakin' robe) which is kinda hard given that we have hard wood floors. Why and how she does that is beyond me.
    
11. She likes to "sneak" her boyfriend into the house which is absurd since I told her she's totally welcome to have guests over whenever she likes...I hear his voice and I smell that icky nose-hair-singeing cologne that he always seems have gone overboard on, so I know he's there...(it's also evidenced by item #12 below). But I rarely ever see him because they like to ensure that I don't see him when he enters or exits.  For crying out loud, I'm not going to hate on her and tell her dad she has a *gasp* boy over...well maybe as long as he doesn't do revolting things like pee on the toilet seat.
    
12. She misses the toilet seat. Or he does.  Regardless it's totally unacceptable. Either she/he have poor eyesight or they're simply inept at properly calibrating their urination so that it's properly aimed at that 16" diameter hole in the toilet seat.  What's that you say? You're telling me that a grown-ass girl or her grown-ass boyfriend can't seem to not pee on the seat? Yes- believe it. And yes, it is mighty disgusting.
    
13. Only wears dresses when her and her bf go out which strikes my moderately feminist sensibilities as obnoxiously subservient and Orwellian.
14. She likes to leave the lights on...all night long...  Every morning I wake up and have to turn all the lights in the living room and porch off.  It wastes electricity and dammit, how lazy can a person be?  I used to turn the porch light on for her out of consideration but after she kept leaving it on, I decided- Fuck it, let her fumble around in the dark.  That was until she couldn't figure out how to open the front door one night and woke me up to let her in. 
    
15.  ...but, she likes to watch TV in the dark.  I don't know how many times I've come home thinking no one's there and lo' and behold- there she is, watching TV- which she'll abruptly turn off as though she's done watching and then head back to her room.
16. She only watches 'Big Brother'-nothing else- just that show.  Perceiving that as weird just might be me though...I'm weary of anyone that would watch such a vapid reality show, which is just a watered down  wannabe of MTV's 'Real World'.  Actually, with the way she's behaving, she probably thinks she's living in some kind of 'Big Brother' type household scenario where I'm constantly monitoring and calculating her every move.  Little do I know but victory will soon be hers once I relinquish the 'Head of Household' title when she out-eats me in a cornflakes eating contest.
    
17. She likes stuffy living spaces.  She doesn't like to leave windows open to let the rooms ventilate even though its stiflingly hot and as a result...
    
18. ...Her room stinks.  That shit is totally gross.  Especially since I don't want that musty smell to spread to my room. That stench reminds me of something like sleep...Anyone that has ventured near South campus in the wee morning hours barely half-past dawn knows that smell...something like what I imagine is a melange of stale morning breath barely disguised by half-assed-toothbrushing faintly hinting of minty toothpaste along with a certain funkiness that can only be described as the muskiness of unwashed bedsheets.
19. She'll talk to my friends but not to me.  Somehow J managed to chat her up for a good 5-10 minutes, but as soon as I re-entered the room, she clammed up and fled to her room.
    
20. She's become so cold Rosie doesn't even want to come around. How freakin' lame do you have to be if the person that vouched for you doesn't even want to be around you anymore?
    
21. Apparently, she believes doors don't close properly unless they're slammed.  She always slams the doors - always.
    
22. She lies.  And I'm crazy for implying that she doesn't close the outer perimetry door.  Before she moved in, the outer door was always properly locked.  However, she moves in and now it's never locked.  By process of elimination and by sheer logic, it therefore must be her.  But oh no, it couldn't be, since she herself says that she always locks it and in fact, is the one finding the door unlocked.
    
23. She only eats cornflakes.  All day, everyday.  Obviously, breakfast as the most important meal of the day has been taken a tad too far.  Anytime I see her eating it just so happens to be corn-fucking-flakes.  And she'll hoard them in her room so that I rarely see her actually eating her flakes (why hide it?).  I now know the secret to acheiving that covetted slender figure...it's the cornflakes diet.
    
24. She eats cornflakes ONLY with H2O.  She's never bought milk once, yet always has cereal on hand.  I know she's eating it with a liquid of some sort since I can hear her slurping away, but she doesn't have anything in the fridge but water so...
    
25. Yet she's not lactose intolerant since she eats ice cream.
    
26. All the bulbs in the room she occupied burnt out. Besides the fact that ALL the lights burnt out in addition to the light in the fridge and living room during her brief stay, it's weird that she didn't say anything to me about it. Has she been sitting alone in her dark room all this time?  She surely could've told me that the bulbs needed to be changed...it's not like we don't have anymore bulbs.
27. She can't clean - not even just one thing?! Just one? She didn't wash the cookie sheet and let it rust in the sink.  She only used one item during her entire stay and she couldn't clean up after herself.  Needless to say, my energy was well directed for I was pissed that I had to scrub the burnt cheese and meat from their leftover pizza off the bake ware.

What I really could've used on my 25th b-day...

Damn...I never update this since nothing really eventful enough happens to make it worth my while.  However, today I saw this on DailyCandy and couldn't help but think that despite having a great b-day, a little rhythmic emotional support couldn't hurt.



With this here do-dad